Do Gorillas Have A Conscience?

Okay I lied. Well not really lied. More like circumvented the glaring truth that taunted me mercilessly. Lying sounds so calculating and full of bad intent. As Anais Nin would say, 'I simply chose to see things not as they are, but as I am'. Or as I wanted it to be.  The man I’d been falling head over heels in love with for over a year was wrong for me. I knew it, he even knew it.  My idealist heart purred sweet nothings in my ear; “but, he knows just how to make me laugh”, “and he’s got a fabulous job”, “and he’s so delicious bed”…


Truth be told, he was never going to fully commit to me. In the course of one year he needed a “break to clear his head and figure out what he really wanted” at least six heart-wrenching times. I didn’t need a break. That should have been my first clue right?

We all do it at some point and to varying degrees. Don't deny it. You own that T-shirt too. But the obvious in my case was an 800-pound gorilla that camped out in the back of my mind. Some days I completely forgot about the gorilla. Those were the days I saw all of things I wanted to see in him. And felt all of the things I wanted to feel, real or imagined.

But as fiercely as I tried ignore the obvious, the big hairy 800-pound gorilla grew and grew and eventually the inevitable happened. The gorilla crushed me. All at once and completely without remorse.

Here I sit crushed.

Going from crushed to getting over it isn't any fun. In fact, it downright sucks.  I have a sneaking suspicion that there's a "Do Gorillas Have A Conscience?" part II lurking about. Pieces need to settle and things need to be excogitated. That's a good word by the way. If you don't know it, there's a handy-dandy link just for you! 

See part two at 1 Easy Step to Change Your Life and Banish Your Gorilla's For Good